Enjoying family vacations, and post-vacations too

As published in the Daily Hampshire Gazette, July 24, 2019

Family vacations can be wonderful. Of course, there’s no guarantee, but time away from home and daily routines can foster closer connection, a sense of adventure and a refreshed outlook on life. Vacations can also be exhausting – including planning, packing, travel time, adjusting to new settings and returning to regular schedules after the trip.

Fortunately, as our kids, Zoe and Adam, (almost 13 and 10, respectively) have aged, our family vacations have been more wonderful and less exhausting, though our quest for adventure often produces some of both. Our recent four-day weekend at the family beach house, near the Connecticut shore on the Long Island Sound, offered a welcome balance that has often eluded us during our get-aways.

Amidst the warm sunny skies, cool evenings and great beach conditions, the highlights, for me, included a number of family one-on-one moments.

Lori and I enjoyed an early morning paddle (in kayaks), with the water calm and conversation easy; our bodies were refreshed by the exertion, our souls nurtured by the connection. Zoe and I walked to the lighthouse, where we sat alone, watching boats navigate in and out of the harbor, talking about features of the shoreline and fishing. I waded out to the sandbar with Adam, at low-tide, where I watched him skim board, together noticing snails, seagulls and the setting sun. And, I enjoyed a solo paddle – one-on-one time with myself – tracing the same route Lori and I followed; my mind’s inner dialogue rich and random as I traversed choppy seas.

For all the simplicity and slow pace of the weekend, though, back at work on Monday morning my brain was moving slowly, very slowly. I struggled to regain the momentum I had before our trip. After a mid-day run and lunch I was still low-energy. Instead of caffinating myself or forcing myself to work, I lay down on the floor of my office, on my back, and relaxed for a few minutes, before returning to an afternoon of computer work and phone calls. For the rest of the day, my mind and body were still moving at a slower rate than before our travels, not slow-motion, but rather a very calm, thoughtful pace.

The next day, Tuesday, while leading a team meeting at work, missed deadlines and disappointing progress on a major project left me irritated. Instead of blurting statements that likely would have been hurtful to others and counter-productive to our team’s efforts, I was able to able to voice my frustration in a clear and reasonable manner, which, in turn, created space for others to share their disappointments as well and, ultimately, a renewed focus on next steps.

At home on Wednesday, I made an unpopular decision, that led to great disappoint for one of our children, whose name is withheld upon request. I was confident in my decision, listened carefully to the repeated objections, and was able to remain calm until the situation was resolved, which took less time and energy than usual, for both of us.

So, while it was the ideal mix of rest, activity and connection with others that led to a wonderful vacation, it was a decidedly gentle return that has, so far, helped ensure a wonderful post-vacation too. And while this is more reminder than revelation, I am inspired to think carefully about the post-vacation that will follow our annual family camping trip in late August. I am envisioning a recovery day, or two, at home, so we can land, unpack and prepare for a smooth return to work and school. And, I’ve already scheduled a 30-minute post-vacation rest, during my lunch break, on the first day back in the office.

John Engel of Florence can be reached through his website fatherhoodjourney.com.